I didn’t always want to be an artist

De Party Nails

I didn’t always want to be an artist

Originally posted on Instagram on December 7 2023

 

It seems wild to say now, but I didn’t want to be an artist. When I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in music, I wanted to be a songwriter. I had also wanted to be a producer, but I was strongly encouraged to focus only on being a songwriter. When it came to engineering, editing, instruments, production and mixing, the phrase I heard over and over again was, “You don’t need to worry about that.” I wasn’t “worried”—I was interested, and already somewhat experienced. But I was also a woman with a voice, and experience performing my own songs on stage. I didn’t want to be an artist because it was a thankless task; I’d tried it for years and years and always found myself more interested in making stuff than making people hear my stuff. But women today are tasked with carrying the weight of us all sometimes. We are conduits for the unevolved creativity brimming out of everyone, especially men who can’t bring themselves to express their feelings with words. We use our bodies to showcase the media, our voices to sing the message, our spirits to shine light upon the audience and listeners. But we are birthing a half baked thought, one that was slowly enforced upon us by our collaborators, all of us unwittingly engaging in the insidious patriarchal practice of minimizing women to Pretty Things. It’s pretty to be a singer, a writer, an artist. It makes the men behind the scenes feel good about the thing (trophy) they can show the other men. With women in production, engineering and mixing, they are no longer trophies—they are simply in their vocation. A producer cannot show off another producer, or a mixer another mixer. “Don’t worry about that stuff…because then I won’t be able to show you off.”
I’m grateful for the collaborators who show me who I am. You know who you are. To me, this is what matters. @nazr.in has shown me myself so many times 🥹💖 To femmes and non-binary people everywhere: you’re allowed to be pretty AND not just a trophy. Call it by its name, patriarchy. Dismantle it one small decision at a time. Next time you’re working with a woman, pretend she’s a man for sec and see if suddenly you think she’s better at her job. 🤯